Hey guys soon i will return as long as i set some matters in my life:)
And hey
Good news...
Iam partnered to the greatest guy ever...
He calls me honey, fat and drama queen.. but he give me love more than i could imagine...
Soon we plan to get together...
ANd i will re-create this blog and start to post again...
Luv ya
I need a bit more time...
Kisses

Are You Spiritual?

Are you spiritual person? DO you believe in reasons, and that there is something higher than us? Do you believe, that the universe is creation of higher and powerful mind? The connection between us, and the space, so thrilling and beautiful??? I always believed that we all are part of something bigger, the nature, the universe...
Our souls are small pieces of that beautiful harmony...
I always research... Always look for this beautiful sacred connection. I do believe in the soulmates, why not after all we all come from one place....
Ancient civilizations always believed in that and left us message and signs, that we must have respect to the higher powers, and always encourage to make our research to see where we come from...
Myself, iam always connected to the nature.... I told my friends, that iam such an crazy soul... and yes iam spiritual in many ways. My source of energy is the nature, and i often make that connection...how? I will tell you...
In the summer... at beautiful night, I go to the fields, and get naked (I know what you think, perverts, LOL), and lie down, on the grass, next to the river and trees... just relax, with closed eyes... listen the sounds of nature, wind, river, trees, the core under you... and at some point you will feel the harmony of everything... The nature can speak with you, you can open eyes, and gaze into the stars... feeling as one of all this beautiful creation of life...... Yes, you can make connection with you ONLY if you want, trust me, its real...
Do you know how it feels like, when you are with your beloved that way? Both on the grass naked, make love, in nature, feeling as ONE... then you can feel the meaning of LOVE.... Yes the love is the most powerful force in the universe... The LOVE have the power to create, improve and give you the ability to change the whole world to good point... To enjoy the small things in life, no matter how small they can be, they can fill your life with meaning...
The touch of your beloved...
The way he look at you..
Make you smile...
It's all part of the universe...
Do you think the distance is really a problem??? Its not at all... The real danger is when you are together, but WORLDS away... The physical barriers are for the narrow minded people, who are afraid, to take the challenge into their hands...
So, yes, Im spiritual. because i do believe that everything in this life comes for a reason. Material things provide us the pleasure of the living... but not the pleasure of the LIFE...
Remember... LOVE is the MOST powerful force in Universe. It have the ability to change lives to good directions.
Love ya all:)

Friendship on Facebook - Real or Not?

How many "friends" do you have on facebook?:) Today was speaking to friend of mine and e bragged about having 4000 "friends"... but on the question "How many of them you ever met?" or "How many of them actually keep any communication with you" he pointed just few... The point is why is that mania to have so much "friends' on the list? Maybe the bragging is the best option for that...
In my Facebook, i have amount of people, i met in real life and more of them i didn't... but plan to. I try to keep certain lever of communication, with people , who seems to have some interest in the communication with me MORE than the pictures i post there. But i see some doesn't have that interest, answering every message with 3-6 words just not to offend you.. why keep them? Because they are sexy? Because the level of communication is limited? Hell, why bother?
I have also very judged behavior. A lot of Questions are "You always say to the guys that you love them, although u never met them, and its superficial"... no.. i really love my friends on there... by "friends' definition i mean those who keep the communication and appreciate me, everything i post. Even those i fall into disagreement, because difference is something beautiful...and it can create great friendships...
I met really sweet guys on there. Some of them reached me outside Facebook, for anything. Guys, who proved that they are real, beautiful friends.  U can get a lot of benefits online. Plus, I plan to meet more of them. My home is always open for those, who really want to get to know me, and be friends with me. I will never ever leave someone unwelcome on street, or make them feel not home. I always gave the best of me, to provide the best, although few times unappreciated. But i can be real friend. And real man. I always stand for what i say there, and never hide something...
So, about Facebook. I never unfriend people, unless i have reason to. But the most thrilling thing is, that some unfriend me, because of stupid reasons. Something i said, and they disagreed, my "big tights", " not responding to them(hell i try my best)", or they just find me ugly...  but NONE of them, reached me with patience and understanding  to make an effort to get to know me...
A lot of men there are very sexy. Bodies, InkedKenny pictures, "Muscle Gods" and a lot of muscle worshipers. Some of them are my friends. Some are very arrogant, BIG EGO, and think they are really Gods and all are about "me me me me"... Some are very humble and very sweet and they always reach to me without any ignoring and always reach me first, and they always write, or chat at first chance...
In the end of the day , im one normal guy, who just happens to be real, and always share whats going on my life, on facebook, because sometimes, its a easy way to escape from the reality and share it with so beautiful guys, like you all. Life is hard, and sometimes, all you need is to get some good word sometimes. Im so thankful, that i really met people, who take me s iam, and can see thru the distance, and trust me. It's very important to me. Thank you. That way made me know, who will be real friend and in real life.
I LOVE you all:)

Friends with ben(-d over)efits-taboo or not?

Today a friend of mine declared that he like to have sex with his friends... i asked "Then can you really call those people "Friends" or just "F-buddies"?
I was little uncomfortable with the statement, that u can have sex with friends, but few times on my past there happened to feel some attraction to friends of mine, and suddenly we are in bed... who we can blame here??? Our mind or the hormones?
We cannot control the passion. It comes, and it happens, and we cannot throw out this person out of friends list, just because there happened sex.
The rules of friendship doesn't change... of course it depends of the person... there happened people after one sex, to feel different about each other.. from rejection, to falling in love... So sex with friends could be great benefit, but also it can destroy a friendship and even a COUPLES in closed relationship...
 What if it happens, that the friends appears that he is wonderful lover? So, this change the rules. The more you see him, the more you want... that way you cannot call him "friend" anymore, because he become an object of your affections. Usually this ends bad...
So we have to accept that thats the way it meant to be?
When i met my ex, at beginning, when we started dating, he confessed to me, that he has sex with his best friend, who happened to be WONDERFUL LOVER (He was right, i made good revenge to him, after he broke my heart)... and anytime they are together, my heart kinda jumped. And When he call me, to tell me "Honey, iam with Jack, at bar we drink beer and afterwards we are having dinner" i couldnt find a place all evening...  "What if they get drunk, what if the car  break and they stay alone on road, blah blah blah" so, the trust always get kinda lowered, after finding out the history between 2 friends... so i learned, when u have a bf, NEVER EVER share details about your friends. A lot of guys make this mistake, when they meet each other... and especially if the best friend is sexy as Pete Finland, they like to brag about this,and in the future, one small meeting for a beer, can cause a lot problems in couple...
Actually it's one of the BIGGEST problems of the CLOSED RELATIONSHIPS... so be careful about details, if you care to be in that kind of relationship. Of course open relationships doesn't have problems with this for which is more preferred for the trust (iam gonna make thread about trust, coz theres million ways of trust)...
So Friends with benefits are good and bad... all depends of the choices you make. of course if there is affection, things change. Destructive or constructive... still depends. Sometimes, the best friendships start simply with sex, and people stay friends forever... there was funny stories, of failures in bed, but still it make the best friendships ever...
So, i better say i choose friends with benefits... because sometimes, i really meet handsome guys, and i cannot force myself... LOL.. of course if Pete Finland is my best friend, and we are on mountain hut, and we gotta cuddle because there is no fireplace, i couldnt prefer to stay out on the snow, just because we are friends, LOL... if something happens.. i will be glad to accept my fault, in the name of friendship, LOL
Ok, Enough about fantasies...
hahaha
Love ya guys. Hope u enjoyed my post and understasnd my cr**y English:)

Broken heart? Who to blame?

The broken heart is one of the worse non physical disease.We all been with this, and some of us take it easy, some of us take it much harder, and some never get over it...
But it gives us a lesson. This teach us, how to make the next partner much happier, and much better, and be careful about who we are picking, for being our man. But still, there is never guarabtee what we are going to choose...
Mostly, i hate when someone break your heart, and BYE.. like you never exist for them. They start to treat you like you are some stranger, and never give you the answers you look for... Also i HATE when guy cheat and blame the partner in everything, just his guilt to be more handled. Most of the cases of broken heart comes from betrayal, and cheating. Sadly almost every gay man i know is gone thru this.
There is a group i despise, and its the ungrateful gay man. In all the relationship they been "me, me, me" and never cared for their partner, now matter how hard he work, to make his queen happy... so selfish, i can say...

The broken hearts, often can be broken for years. Those types of guys, make every next relationship disaster. They waste time of others, and think that they are going to get over their exes, but what they do, is falling in their own trap... looking for security after break-up is the WORSE thing you would do,  and all you will gain is enemies than friends. The best thing people should do, to move on is some kind of therapy, which could help, at least partly.
But the best therapy is the self therapy. When you don't want to move on, even the best therapy in the world will not help you.  Everything starts from the big "I"...

I always felt respect to guys who get it together. After a break-up they handle it together, change their lives, and move on.. like its been a bad dream. But in the end of the day, on closed doors, with the mirrors home.. they become vulnerable. I know when darkness falls, its WORSE. But at least they doesn't put their break-up like  "The subject" of the next 6 months.
There is always two way fault in a break up. The difficult thing is, to find out your fault, and try to address it, and fix those issues IT HURTS, YES..... We know, guys always bale their partner for everything, but if we can be more observant, there always have logical explanation and reason for happening this break-up...
But it gets better...
In my experience after breaking up there is 3 stages " Sadness, Anger, and Accepting...
There is guys who stay on the 1, or 2 (WORSE CASE, they stay bitter all their lives!!!!)
 

I often blamed my exes for every failure in relationships. My excuse was "Oh my, in my last relationship i lost all my trust, i cannot trust easy, i been hurt, blah blah blah"... Until one day i found out, that actually I wasn't changed, since last breakup, and all i done is, to blame the world for my failures, and punish every guy, and sweetheart, who come my way, just because my last relationship didn't work..... and i had to change, because not everybody is that worse. And accept that an ex is an ex for a reason. So, instead beating myself over
my past, was going   to make me empty and bitter person... So i had to do one thing.. to forgive myself....
And trust me:
The MOST hard thing is to forgive yourself. Once you reach peace with your innerself, u can live in peace with others. Same with the broken heart. You gotta realize your faults. Crying over someone, for YEARS make you vulnerable for others. The best is, when we realize our issues, and fix them, we will find out, that... WE DESERVE BETTER!
Sound logical, right?

SPIDERS!

I F* Hate Spiders. YES YES YES! I can jump from Small like dot baby spider. I prefer to see snake, but NOT nasty spider!
Boo~

My point of view about Homophobia

A lot people, hearing the word GAY, start to overreact, like they saw ghost, like they see a terrorist, and act such an like drama queens. In fact homophobia is the most useless feeling, its like the racism. Nothing will be gained, using violence towards the different ones.
That is still one of the biggest problems in the 21nd century, and definitely it leads to a lot negative results, concerning gay men. iam thinking about those young boys, who just realize they are gay men, and they close themselves into their own world, with the fear, they will be rejected, and treated differently from the society. This itself is catastrophic. Homophobia is syndrome hundreds of years old...  well, seems some people live centuries behind...
For me there is 2 kinds of homophobes:
Simple people. Those people all their life was NOT educated about this "problem" In all their life, they was  listening to other institutions, which say whats right and whats wrong. Like sheeps, who walk there, where, the church, politics, direct them to. The hypocrite church where they are more gay than people would think. ya know what they say about Vaticana???
So, the simple people spend their life, "Doing" the normal formal things, and when they meet those "leppers" called gay men, they freak out, and become violent...  Those people alone have small minds to realize that being gay is not a choice and illness, to be treated medically.
Those people will citrate the Bible, which is wrong predicted, because the church keep people in control. But thats another subject...
The second kind of Homophobes, which is more dangerous, is the hidden gay men. Those gay men have a hard time themselves to accept the fact that they are gay... especially in the Bible belt states, and Countries with communism, regime, or dictature . I try to help as much as possible about this, to the young men, but there is an difficult definition i have trouble with... the hateful gay men. They hate other gay men, and blame them for their fate, and often they grow up with this hate, trying to act straight, get married, and suffer all their lives, just to hide their real self. Myself, i always had trouble with this ones. They deny everything about being gay, they reject it;'s existence, and seeing gay men become more violent then the simple people. They live in an Ideal world, far away from reality...

Im open gay man and proud with this. I never had problem with people accepting me as iam, and iam proud to know that my friends accepted me as iam.

Well, some ran away, bit not the important ones. But even today when they look in my eyes, they look down, because they are ashamed. We grew up together, and they cannot simply accept. It's like they find out that I was all the time a ghost (Like the movie "Uninvited"), LOL
A truth about me. Yes i been beated for being gay man. When  i was an teenager in high school, i protected a gay guy, who was treated badly.  When the band went to run after him, i stand in front of them, and told them, that all they are is cowards, to treat different people with violence... why? To impress the stupid brainless chicks??? Well, i got my bruises, and been like Bob George all month, but i did stand for something in my f*n life...
The second time i been beated, was in '94 Bulgaria was just got rid of the communist regime, but people still has the conservative model, in their minds...
I was just walking, and BAM... i found myself in hospital, with 4 sews, and surgery... wanting to cry and needing a hug and love... not even a "get well soon" card, because my friends was scared of this...

Now nobody can touch me.  neither a friend of mine, i have the power make an life miserable, iam a proud gay man, and in my home town everybody support me for who am I. The bareer is down.

But still, there is a lot gay men who are scared. Scared of tomorrow. Scared of, what could happen if they give some indication that they are gay. Living in a shell is destructive...

Sadly, Homophobia is still problem.  This always make me wonder... Why live a life with hate, when u can surround yourself with love and waste the energy for constructive things, instead destructive? Whats the matter and gains when u hate??? Insecurity? Jealousy? Complexes?  We all die one day... no matter gay or not... what will Homophobia change in the other level of existence?  Love is love. No matter men, women, animals, children. There is not Gay love, not Parrots love, not Green Love. Its a force.